If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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