Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
