i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
