You can't special order awesome
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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