I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
