How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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