i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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