That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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