forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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