just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
