We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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