All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
