Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
