It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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