jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
