dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Vodka?
Forever.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
