i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
