thus making me awesome and them whores
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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