Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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