Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
