It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
