Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
