So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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