random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
