Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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