Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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