For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This is the high leading the old right now
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
