what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
