Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
