nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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