im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
