I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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