Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
