Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
