After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
