You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
