Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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