I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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