it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
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