So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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