I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
