my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
