The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
