Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(514): View more from Quebec

Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?

(1-514): View more from Quebec

Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.

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(613): View more from Ontario

Sorry, I don't speak sober.

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(949): View more from California

i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?

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(716): View more from New York

Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."

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(719): View more from Colorado

You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.

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(406): View more from Montana

Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.

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(512): View more from Texas

I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things

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(714): View more from California

I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!

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