So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
