I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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