I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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