Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
