Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
