careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
