oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
